Opening Our Hearts To All Of It
“There is no end to suffering. There is no end to joy. There is no end to dark. There is no end to light.
There is no end to pain. There is no end to love. There is no end to all that is—just ever-expanding consciousness.
Round and round we go on the beautiful spiral of life.”
—Evening Primrose, Soulflower Plant Spirit Oracle
The Spiral of Suffering (and the Hope Beyond)
I don’t know about your heart, but mine clenches a bit when I read, “There is no end to suffering.”
I don’t want that to be true.
And yet... I do hold a vision for a world in which it is no longer the case.
I absolutely believe we humans can choose to create a whole new way of being—one where we stop causing so much suffering to one another and other living beings.
That said:
The sentence is still true for us now.
Suffering keeps happening.
My heart breaks when I read about the people imprisoned in El Salvador—especially those unjustly detained, like Kilma Albrego Garcia, who’s from the same state where I live now.
But truly, my heart breaks for all of them.
No one should live in the conditions of horror that seem to be unfolding there.
And no one should be forced to participate in carrying out that horror, either.
I imagine many who do would choose a different job if they could.
You can’t stay fully human when you torture others for a living.
Let the Ache Rise
If you’ve stayed with me this far—without turning away—I invite you to pause.
Notice what’s happening in your body right now.
My stomach feels a little sick.
I feel tears building in my eyes, but they won’t quite fall.
There’s an upward movement—the nausea in my belly rising to the ache in my chest, then to the pressure behind my eyes, where it wants to release like a waterfall.
It reminds me of the interview I heard with Kaitlin Curtice (I shared it last week, but here it is again).
She spoke about being asked—by the Earth, in a particular location—to place her hands on the soil and simply feel her pain.
Kaitlin did.
And she sobbed.
That was a gift—her sobbing.
A tiny sharing of sorrow.
A small transformation of pain into love, connection, relationship.
And that relationship, that love, is a kind of joy.
Our Hearts, Their Stories
In Inciting Joy, Ross Gay imagines a party where we all show up with our sorrows—introducing them to one another.
And how joy is born—not despite—but because of proximity to each other’s sorrow.
Have you ever learned something about the sorrow of someone you wanted to hate—and found that your hatred melted into compassion?
I have.
Not as often as I’d like.
More often, I keep my distance, never getting close enough to learn the stories of those I disagree with.
But it’s happened.
And I want to put myself in spaces where it happens more often.
Emotional Endurance Training
I’m currently working on strengthening and stretching my body so I can train again for a half-marathon this October.
(If you were with me last year, you know I almost made it to the starting line before needing to defer.)
Why bring this up now?
Because I want to invite you to train for the half-marathon equivalent of holding more sorrow—and more joy—in your heart.
The training is not that different.
You start because you don’t yet have the capacity.
You begin with weakness, overwhelm, fragility—not as a flaw, but as a starting point.
For me, emotionally, that meant being highly sensitive, easily flooded, overwhelmed by big feelings.
It wasn’t a problem—it was just the truth of where I was beginning.
When I started physical training, I couldn’t even do the pre-training exercises that were supposed to be “easy.”
And emotionally? About ten years ago, I was in a very similar place.
But I committed to practicing.
And slowly, steadily, I increased my ability to feel big feelings without being taken out by them.
To let them bring me alive instead of shutting me down.
Strong Enough to Hold It All
Like with distance running, this kind of heart-strengthening is slow work.
It takes commitment.
It takes regular practice.
And for me, it also takes devotion—to a Love and a vision bigger than my resistance.
But it is possible.
And it is so necessary that those of us who are deeply sensitive, deeply empathic—also become strong.
Strong enough to open fully to the suffering we are meant to hold.
(Not all of it—but more than we may be holding now.)
Strong enough to set clear, loving boundaries, so we’re not leaking energy we need for the work ahead.
And strong enough to be filled to overflowing with joy, beauty, and delight—and to let those carry us, too.
Here’s to thriving and equity, and the power of practice to increase our strength,
Deb
Resources
📰 Article by Eileen Flanagan on George Lakey
“Citizen George,” a new documentary about lifelong activist George Lakey, offers powerful inspiration for those navigating this moment in history.
“Ingrid, their third child, reflected to me after the premiere that being able to hold both joy and sorrow is another skill we all need to strengthen in these violent times. She recalled that the Democratic National Convention blocked out the pain of Gaza in fear that it would dim the convention theme of joy.”
Read the full article here: Waging Nonviolence: Citizen George
Also, please also consider donating to keeping the Waging Non-Violence publication going. This kind of news and practical strategy is extra important now. They are a non-profit with a 40k immediate need to help them meet this moment. I just signed up to give monthly. You can donate here.
Eileen also shares practical ways we can take action.
Embrace Courageous Action: Step beyond your comfort zone to address injustices, even when it feels daunting.
Seek Spiritual Grounding: Connect with your faith or personal values to find resilience and direction in activism.
Foster Community Support: Build strong relationships with like-minded individuals to create a supportive network for collective action.
Engage in Continuous Learning: Reflect on experiences, learn from mistakes, and remain open to growth in your advocacy journey.
Promote Inclusive Movements: Encourage diverse participation and collaboration across different communities to strengthen the impact of social change efforts.
📖 Another Support for Your Journey
If you’re looking for guidance that blends emotional well-being with meaningful action, I invite you to explore our book, Feel Better. Do Better: A Guide for People Who Want to Change the World, But Sometimes Have Trouble Making It To Lunch.
If possible, please purchase through Bookshop or another independent bookseller rather than Amazon.
And—if this is out of reach for your budget right now, let that be okay.
Trust that what you can do in this moment is enough.