Want an alternative to
“push harder” or “fall apart”?
Push
The place that seems to be the “norm” for us, where you’re doing all the things, being nice to all the people, saving the environment, getting tenure, dismantling racism, and planning the perfect Monster Truck-themed birthday party for your 4-year-old. Fun.
Puddle:
The place where you can’t. For any of it. Maybe you notice the warning signs and try quick fixes, like a second cup of coffee or that face mask you bought three months ago (because self-care). Or maybe you’re past that point—your body has shut down without warning, your energy is completely drained, you’re snapping at your kids and coworkers more than you’d like to admit, and you’re desperately scanning your calendar for ANYTHING you can reschedule.
From my personal experience and the experience of so many of my clients, we often find ourselves on two different sides of the spectrum: “Push” or “Puddle” (though for a few of us, the puddle phase is very cleverly disguised).
Depending on which side of the spectrum you’re on, you’re likely looking for one version of my story or another.
If you’re looking for my street cred (can you say push?), here it is:
PhD in Childhood Studies, MA in Educational Ministry,
BA in Elementary Education,
Certified Martha Beck Life Coach,
Certified Racial Justice from the Heart Facilitator,
Certified Qoya Teacher,
Certified VITA™Sex, Love and Relationship Coach and Women’s Empowerment Coach,
Completed Tara Mohr’s Playing Big Facilitator training,
Future Writing™ Facilitator,
Certified Academic Life Coach,
Racial Equity and Cultural Competency Consultant (in partnership with BIPOG partners),
Primary author and editor of Feel Better, Do Better: A Guide for People who Want to Change the World, but Sometimes Have Trouble Making it to Lunch.
Former teacher, stay-at-home mom, childcare director, executive director and college professor.
If you’re looking for evidence that I’m capable of helping you off the floor (puddle), and that I get it:
As a highly sensitive, empathetic, Enneagram 4 with neurodivergent traits and experience with depression and anxiety, I know puddle well.
Which is why my process (and all of the experience listed above) is rooted in creating a powerful container in which you can go in and go deep and find solid ground on which to stand.
A container that has endless space for all of your parts (yes, even the parts of you that you keep silent and hidden, sometimes by bribing them with ice cream or running them ragged).
A space that feels as if it was made just for you (which it was).
Just so you could get all the rest you need in this moment, all the love you need in this moment, all the nourishment you need in this moment.
All the space to breathe. All of it.
The sweet spot we’re looking for here is somewhere between Push and Puddle.
Yes, I will hold you through the crash when burnout is in full effect, but I won’t let you fan the flames that caused the burnout to begin with.
There will be perspective, but there will also be action.
There will be introspection, but there will also be change.
Clarity. Tranquility. Vitality. AND Equity.
We’re going for all of it.
Consider me like your favorite sweet and spicy chicken taco … relatable, bringing everything you need to be nourished, with just the right amount of kick that gets you to the root of what matters (because frankly, we all need a little of all of that).
And fresh guacamole, of course, or extra cheese, or both. Because always, always there must be something decadent thrown in to satisfy the hidden rebel in you who already knows that whoever made up all the either/ors you’ve been living within was missing a key piece about what it means to fully live.
What makes this guac so EXTRA?
I’m an “on paper” Karen/Becky/Debbie: White, European American, cis-gender, able-bodied, middle-class, heterosexual wife of 25+ years, raised as an Evangelical Christian in a very patriotic military family. I’ve spent a lot of time and money to learn and understand how these privileged identities have shaped my experience in the world (and why it’s felt so shameful to acknowledge them).
My questions about present injustices led me to historical research and ongoing learning about the current and historical experiences of people who hold different and more targeted identities than me.
As a result of my lived experiences in a variety of different sub-cultures, and the deep work I’ve done with my shame and self-rejection, I’m able to guide others who hold many privileged identities to face blindspots and increase their capacity to use their privilege for good in the world - without shaming or blaming.
I’ve also invested a lot of time and focus to understand and heal from the impact of being a girl/woman raised in conservative Christian patriarchy, which is why I especially like working with women and people who have been socialized as women, or are gender non-conforming. Because too many of us are silencing ourselves and making ourselves sick as a means of staying safe. It’s time to put a stop to those patterns.
Wife of a kick-ass, Philly-raised, Alpha Phi Alpha who uses his finance and business-building skills to diversify the workforce and build up the infrastructure of every organization he works for. I’m on a mission to become the primary breadwinner in our family, so he can galavant around the globe with our sons, donate his time where it’s needed, and build a house on the African continent like he wants to.
We currently live in Baltimore, Maryland, on the unceded lands of the Piscataway people, currently home to Indigenous peoples from many different tribes including the Lumbee, many of whom came here in the 20th century. This land was built on the labor of stolen bodies and the free or underpaid labor of women, and also holds the stories of those who resisted oppression, who laughed, and danced, and created, and loved, and died here. And it is home to many wild, magical creatures, and deep trees.
Unapologetic spiritual mystic who listens to trees and believes there are forces of Love at work that I can’t see; my favorite vacation is usually some kind of retreat, but I also geek out on history, love me a good Old-Fashioned, and I’m a fan of a number of words that could require washing ones mouth out with soap.
Lover of saying the “scary thing” out loud, que the moment I realized it's okay to have moments where you don’t totally love being a mom (and dare I say, even hate it).
Though I no longer identify as a Christian, my roots lie in that tradition and I respect those who still love it (including my husband, parents, and youngest son). So whether you’re a totally committed Christian, not at all interested in any religion, love your oracle cards and crystals, or believe we all landed here thanks to a spiritual entity you refer to as “Bob”, I’ve got you.
HSP (highly sensitive person) who wants to change the world, but sometimes has trouble just handling the noise of life. I’ve learned to care for myself so that the depression, anxiety, and compulsive eating that used to be my constant companions only come for brief visits now, and always leave a lovely hostess gift.
Lover of deep conversations. In fact, if you hang with me regularly you’re probably always in the corner of the party deeply discussing that book you’re reading or what we’re listening to while the rest of the guests fade into the background.
Late-in-life lover of movement, dance, and this collection of flesh and bones I call my body. Don’t think that’s possible for you? I went to a college where dancing and sex were forbidden, and started wearing a girdle at age 15 to hide my unacceptably large thighs. If I can learn to love this beautiful container for my soul, so can you.
Curious about what it's been like for me to be married for such a long time?
Check out the interview Dave and I did together: Thriving in Love on S3E6: Wisdom from a 25+ Year Interracial Marriage. It’s on the podcast Quickies with Angela and Caity. Though the usual content for the show is very sexy, don’t worry, our interview is G-rated. After all, I'm just getting to know you!