White Liberal Women, this is who we are.

If you’re reading this you probably feel sick to your stomach, like I do this morning, as we are well on our way to another Trump presidency.

And once again, the majority of Black women and Black men showed up and voted against such a result. If white women and Christians were not in support of a Trump presidency, we wouldn’t have one.

And, as is evident as he wins with an even greater majority than in the past, we are looking at a decidedly fascist-leaning nation.

And I don’t even really know what that means when I say that. It’s so incomprehensible based on my lived experience in the world thus far.

To the Black women who read this. I have no adequate words except to say on this day of our collective betrayal of you, of women, of trans people, and others in our nation who aren’t the ones it was made for except: I stand with you and your children, and I will keep getting stronger and better and doing more and calling in my white sisters and family members and the spiritual communities of which I am a part. I was afraid that we still weren’t “getting it” and clearly we haven’t.

So, my beloved tiny-but-mighty group of Courageous Thrivers, grieve today, if you are grieving. Rage if you are raging. Do so WITH and IN your body, because these emotions need to be felt and they need to move through you.

If you do not feel your big feelings and you stuff them away they will fester and this election will harm your body even more.

Do not let that happen. We need you and your body to be vibrant and strong. 

If you need to sleep. Sleep. Call in sick to work. Get a babysitter. Watch unimportant TV shows that give you a few moments of escape and laughter. Hug a friend.

Do whatever you need to do to care for yourself.

I’m not saying attack others in your rage. That will solve nothing. But do feel it and express it in places and with people you can trust so it can move through you and tell you what you need to hear.  (Though I am also NOT saying that you need to police your tone or be some pretty measure of perfect in your expression of your anger.) 

If you don’t have those people reply here and and I’ll get on the phone with you, or let me know you’d like to see me host a group gathering so we can support each other in community and if there are more than two of you who say so I will host one.

Because, Dear Ones . . . This. Is. Who. We. Are. Our nation was built on patriarchy and it does not want to die.

Our nation was built on racism, and it does not want to die. 

Our nation was built on a (I believe) a false Christianity that grew out of the Crusades, and violent persecutions and harsh either-or judgements of other humans that allowed us to dehumanize them, which is the opposite of what Jesus did when he was on earth. 

This. Is. Who. WE. Are.

Those of us with many privileges must face that reality and tell an unmitigated truth. We did not cause this result, but we are part of it and have responsibility for responding to it in alignment with what we say we believe and value.

I am especially talking to white women, like me, because we have a lot more power and authority than we think we have, and we’ve got to start acting like it. 

AND at the same time we must find ourselves in the faces of the Others that we want to reject, hate, and distance ourselves from.

It was Trump’s election in 2016 that woke me up to what was true about my country in new ways. When I saw that truth, it gave me the courage to start breaking “good white woman” rules on a more regular basis. Little by little I’m chipping away at internalized white supremacist colonialist patriarchy inside myself.

I started talking to family members about politics, being honest about my spirituality which was no longer Christian, taking action to shift the hold of racism in my spheres of influence instead of just feeling guilty about it, loving parts of myself I wanted to hate and reject.

My actions have been tiny. But tiny actions taken consistently over time are what will make the biggest difference. And on this election day, unlike in 2016, I have no regrets. I know that I took the actions that were mine to take.

If you feel regrets or shame today. Feel it, let it move through you and teach you, but do not get stuck there. I can promise you that the answer is not in perpetual self-flagellation.

This. Is. Who. We. Are.

You can own the ways you are part of the problem without spiraling into shame and despair. You can find your one, small, next step.

And yes, lightheartedness and joy, creative expression, sleep and deep nourishment are part of what you MUST prioritize.

Because the Patriarchy loves exhausted women. And we don’t have to feed it with our bodies, hearts and blood.

The Patriarchy doesn’t care if we are exhausted from overgiving or constant sacrifice, from perpetual harsh self-critique or soul-starvation from lack of joyful work and play - or from all of the above and more.

Exhausted women who hate themselves do not usher in powerful change.

So grieve. Rage. Feel regret and shame if that’s what you’re feeling. Feel it all the way through.

And then . . . let’s gather ourselves together, connect with each other and do what is ours to do next.

You are not alone. You are capable and you can become more capable. You are worthy right now, imperfect as you are.

So am I.

Let’s take ourselves seriously and do what is ours to do.

And if what is yours to do next is to rest. Please do that. There will be plenty of time for other actions and I’ll be here reminding you and supporting you as you keep taking them.

Sending you so much love along with an ongoing commitment to our collective thriving and equity.  Both/and.

Deb 

P.S. I very much appreciated this piece by an activist friend of my activist friend, which talks about what to do now that Trump has been elected. Despair isn’t the answer. We have work to do. Please share this piece widely if it resonates with you. It's long and well worth it.

In positive news, Angela Alsobrooks won her senate seat and joined another Black woman from DE in the senate. I don't know why no one is talking about it because they are only the fourth and fifth Black women senators in our nation's history, and the first two to get to serve at the same time. Thank goodness they will have each other, but let's also have their backs however we can, okay?

P.S.S. And I also appreciated this beautifully stated reminder from an email I received from Goddess Amina of the Atlanta Institute of Tantra - even before the results of the election were in:

Dignity is inherent. Meaning, it cannot be granted by those who would deny it, cannot be measured by their metrics, cannot be contained within their frameworks.

Dignity lives in the spaces we create together, in the gardens we plant, in the meals we share, and in the stories we tell that were never meant to be heard. It lives in every act of mutual care that defies the logic of competition and scarcity.

This week, we will gather in circles of healing, sharing our stories, our wounds, and our pleasure . . .  all of us will nourish each other with the sustenance of community, seeing each other as whole humans, in our dignity.

This is the time to remember you were born worthy. You were born whole. You were born with dignity coursing through your veins, no tool can measure it, no wall can contain it, no system can grant what was always, inherently, beautifully yours . . . let us continue to create and show up in spaces where our dignity and our pleasure can flourish uninhibited.