The Vulnerability of Possibility
I could feel my heart beginning to shut down.
I was about two hours into a stint of going through unread emails when it started. That heavy, contracted feeling in the front of my chest.
Some of the emails we’re encouraging:
info about a vacation experience in Hawaii that’s led by Hawaii natives through a very cool company called ReRoot
an inquiry from a current VITA coach-in-training asking for help to assess whether her attempts at making her business more inclusive might actually be causing more harm than good. (So good that she’s asking the questions and has a friend in her life who raised the possibility!)
kind replies to comments I’d made in an online retreat I was participating in
Others led to useful actions:
an email about info I needed to update PayPal, so I can receive payments — done now.
an email from a neighbor about how to share feedback about a proposed parking lot in a small green space at the end of our street — shared my thoughts.
But then . . . the news. After reading just a few articles, I felt depleted and started to tip toward depression.
There was one about the extremely high death-by-murder rate among single mothers under 25.
Another followed a group of girls who had gotten in trouble in high school and ended up on a basketball team together to see how they were doing several decades later (mostly not so good).
Another about global warming and its impact.
I’m intentionally careful about how much news I take in and what sources I make use of (I like Axios, Status Kuo, and the New York Times). You probably are too (if you’re not, I highly recommend creating some boundaries for yourself around how much you take in).
But I’m also intentionally working to increase my capacity to pay attention and feel and move through the heartache that often comes when I do.
Did you know you can increase your ability to feel big uncomfortable emotions and not get taken over - or shut down - by them?
(even if you’re a sensitive, empathetic, Enneagram 4, HSP with ADHD traits like me)
For years I didn’t know this and felt at the mercy of the roller coaster ride of emotion that is me living life on Earth.
The Vulnerability of Possibility
As Robert Monson of enfleshed.com said in a recent interview “imagining collective liberation is a lament . . . an ache.” (Robert)
Imagining the possibility of a better world is vulnerable.
Hope is vulnerable.
Dreaming is vulnerable.
Especially in the face of the heartbreaks we have and are experiencing.
But even in my darkest moments, some part of me believes we can create different kinds of communities and a different — better — world.
I am committed to continuing to practice the vulnerability of possibility.
Thankfully, on this day, I finished with those heartbreaking emails just in time for a Qoya-inspired movement session in LORE. I logged in, not sure whether I would participate or just listen.
As is usually the case when I show up, soon I was moving my body.
We’re always invited to set an intention in these classes and dance with the intention to “expand my capacity to feel the heartbreak that is mine to feel without depletion”.
Showing up and connecting in community spaces - virtual and in-person.
Moving my body.
Setting a conscious intention to feel heartache instead of blocking against it.
Using practices that help me move the energy of the emotions through my body.
Choosing not to over-identify with more “negative” emotions (after allowing myself time to feel and hear what they have to share) and to “act my way out” of the heaviness that so often descends on me.
Choosing to intentionally open to more “positive” emotions and to cultivate experiences and relationships that support them too.
Approving of myself - imperfect as I am instead of getting stuck in habits of harsh self-critique.
These are key practices for me these days.
And just like with physical exercises, they are practices I keep returning to. I re-adjust. I get help if needed. I try again. I get better at them.
What practices do you use to support yourself in creating a life you deeply love and enjoy while you do the work that matters most to you in the world?
Does managing your emotions take a lot of your daily time and effort?
I’d love to hear about your experiences.
Deb