Part 2: An Invitation, Not a Test
Hello Thrivers,
I hope this week has been good for you thus far! With a nudge from the LORE theme of the week "Inviting Auspiciousness," I've been working with being open to ease and pleasant surprises. And there have been two great ones - my cousin found me a great used boat and some other cousins and my dad helped me put in a dock at Raspberry Island. Step by step I'm getting closer to the experiment of living and working there! This week's post is Part II of last week's blog, so you might want to check it out if you missed it!
Last week I shared this message that came to me during my five-day stay on the island two weeks ago "It's an invitation, not a test." I keep wondering what that means as a way of approaching life.
As I see it, a genuine invitation has two primary qualities that are different from tests.
1) There’s no “should” with an invitation, no requirement (explicit or implicit) that you participate. If it is a true invitation, you can say yes, or you can say no.
If you choose to say yes to the invitation and the experience isn’t what you’d hoped or planned — or if it is — the outcome doesn’t say anything about your value as a person. You aren’t the “A” student – who is viewed as more valuable than the “F” student (which, of course, isn’t true, but testing culture assigns greater value to those who ace the tests). There’s no right choice and there’s no wrong choice. There's just a choice.
I’m more and more aware of how much I have viewed most of life as a test and tied value to how well I do on it. And as a result, I’ve mostly stayed in realms where I was pretty sure I could ace the test. For me, school was one of those realms. It’s like I got a double life major in formal schooling and religion, with a minor in reading people’s reactions closely so that as much as possible I don’t upset them.
But I’m getting an invitation to a new way of being. BEING. Can you feel the invitation just in saying that word? BEING.
The wild, windy, rocky, uncontrollable terrain of Raspberry Island and Black Lake is part of the invitation for me. An invitation to trust myself, the Earth, and our relationship, instead of guarding against all challenges or avoiding them. To accept the invitation to grow strong and resilient, to be one who finds joy and beauty in the hard places, and actually sees and receives the abundance of beauty and love available there as well. Slowly, slowly I am drinking in the nectar of this invitation.
The rural, primarily White, Trump-supporting communities of Hammond, N, and Halifax, VA, where I have lived for the past few months, are invitations for me.
Invitations to learn to listen when I strongly disagree, to hold onto hope, and to seek connections with humans who are very different from me. And to seek racial justice and equity with compassion, and with support from others who are also seeking an end to racism, patriarchy, homophobia, ableism, and other oppressions. And who is doing so rooted in compassion AND truth.
Shout out to the VITA coaching community, the Art of Traction community, the Qoya/Lore community, and Racial Justice from the Heart. I have such deep gratitude for these spaces and the people in them. But don't just take my word for it, check them out!
My body is an invitation to me, to slow down, to be present, to feel the pleasure, power, and sometimes pain; because it's all part of the fantastic experience of being human. To practice being with what is. To practice self-compassion and forgiveness.
Sometimes I will say “no” or “not yet” or “not today” to these invitations. You get to choose your response to the invitations that are heading your way too.
Another thing I've noticed about invitations is that most of the time, you don’t call something an invitation if you think it’s something horrible that the person won’t want to do, or something you yourself hate doing. You invite people into something good, something delightful, something you think they will enjoy. An invitation is meant to be a gift.
So, I wonder...
What if, when you feel that inner nudge to have a brave conversation with your Uncle about his racist remarks it's an invitation, not a test?
What if, when someone points out to you that you have made a remark that caused racial harm, it's an invitation, not a test?
What if that challenging project at work is an invitation, not a test?
What if the exercise/dance/yoga class you keep avoiding is an invitation, not a test?
Does it change anything for you to think of it that way? Can you get curious?
Remember, you can say yes. You can say no. If you say yes and later wish you’d said no, you can change course. If you say no and wish you’d said yes, you learned something new that can inform your next choice.
What if all of life is an invitation, not a test? What if there's no way to do it wrong?
I don't know about you, but I'm thrilled by the possibility even though at least 25 times today I had moments of wondering if, or feeling like, I was "doing it wrong."
I'd love to hear what you think.
Much love to you all as you thrive for equity.
Deb
P.S. Whenever you’re ready, here are a few ways that we can connect more closely:
Schedule a simple, friendly, easy-going chat with me to see if I am a good coaching fit for you. You’ll be able to select an available time slot that works for you.
Shoot me an email and let me know what choices are on your horizon. I’d love to hear all about it.