The Problem We Solve — Together
Hello again,
Courageous Thriver!
You might wonder why I call you courageous.
There are at least two reasons:
First, because you’re doing work to dissolve and dismantle systems and structures that cause harm.
The courage it takes to do what you do may be obvious — like participating in civil disobedience.
Or not so obvious — like choosing to honor your child’s need to walk slowly to preschool even though you have a to-do list that’s longer than your arm.
That work takes courage.
Second, because you’re opening to another counter-cultural choice . . .
The choice to THRIVE, personally — even before all the crises have passed.
That, too, takes courage.
Perpetual suffering and sacrifice don’t help any cause
I feel deep gratitude for your investment in our collective thriving.
That’s why I want you to know about a problem I've seen showing up over and over in the lives of my clients.
It’s not a personal problem.
It’s a pattern that naturally emerges from the oppressive, patriarchal, racist, colonialist structures we live in.
But when people don’t know about it, they tend to spread it. And it’s not helping our world to get any better.
I call it
Perpetual Sacrifice Syndrome.
You might recognize some of the symptoms.
A Scarcity Consciousness
The idea that there aren’t enough resources to go around—not enough time, not enough money, not enough care— so someone must lose for another to win.
Deep Avoidance of Selfishness
The idea that people who are motivated to do good by definition do not/should not ever prioritize their own needs over the needs of others. The messaging around this is especially strong for people socialized as women, for mothers, for artists, and activists. And it shows up in a number of spiritual and religious teachings as well.
Separating Wealth from Service
The idea that to be well-resourced - especially financially - is incompatible with serving others.
Results
In dog-eat-dog corporate culture and other institutions of power and privilege, these beliefs typically lead to those at the top of the food chain hoarding resources and denying access to outsiders.
But people with a commitment to collective thriving, show up differently.
Instead of hoarding and defending resources, those who recognize that they have more privilege and power than others feel obligated to sacrifice and suffer until those who have less have what they need.
And because we haven’t yet gotten to the place where our oceans are clean, restorative justice is the norm, and all humans have access to artistic expression, education, and adequate food, the striving and sacrificing are continuous.
It’s not that big-hearted, justice-oriented leaders, or committed moms, should never follow the tug of love and compassion to let go of a personal desire or comfort in service of someone else.
It’s the ALWAYS that is the problem here — the continuous sense of obligation to do so. That’s what starts to chip away at the vibrant, radiant life force energy that’s needed if we’re going to love this world into a new way of being.
And because Perpetual Sacrifice Syndrome typically has the strongest influence on the very leaders who are most likely to find and implement creative solutions to our collective challenges — women, people with a commitment to social justice, artists, educators, parents, Black, Indigenous, People of the Global Majority — ultimately . . .
Perpetual Sacrifice Syndrome hinders our collective thriving
But you, Courageous Thriver, want create another way forward.
I'm here to help you do just that.
Where would you like to start?
Liberatory Life Coaching for Leaders
I help accomplished —and exhausted — leaders put themselves at the center of their own lives.
So they can live their purpose without sacrificing their mental and physical health, relationships, and joy for the cause.
Spoiler Alert: This is the hidden path to doing to the work that is yours to do in the world.
Collaborative Cultural Competency Consulting and Training
We help wellness and spirituality-focused organizations, and online communities, create spaces and programs in which all people—especially those with the most systematically marginalized racial and ethnic identities—feel seen, respected, supported, and welcomed. And experience equitable outcomes as a result.
