Feeling Stressed? Try This.
I’m off this week - making space for two birthdays, Winter Solstice, Christmas, and a visit from our eldest son (the one on the right) — alongside my need to move slowly with the dark wisdom of winter.
But while I’m off nourishing my heart and soul, I didn’t want to leave you buried under the overwhelm of life, especially at the end of the semester/vacation/holiday season and “oh-no-then-2025-starts-and-that-is-a-seriously-scary-unknown” . . .
So, I thought I’d share a few steps you could take to help you manage the stress of “too much to do and too little time”.
1) Brain dump: If you’re feeling overwhelmed—set a timer for 15 minutes and do a “brain dump.”Write down every possible “to do” that comes to mind. It seems counter-intuitive to think that seeing everything you have to do on paper will help you feel less overwhelmed, but it actually helps your brain to relax because it doesn’t have to REMEMBER IT ALL on top of trying to do it (thanks Katherine North and the Queen Sweep for introducing me to this idea).
2) Cross 5 things off your list without doing them – delegate them, drop them, or put them on a list labeled “someday/maybe, but not right now.” I know you want to do it ALL, but YOU CAN’T. And you will feel way better if the stuff that falls off your list is stuff you decided didn’t matter too much and the stuff that stays is stuff that matters most to you.
3) Highlight the three top items or projects you REALLY don’t want to screw up even if everything else falls apart this week. Write these three items down where you can check in on them regularly (your phone, post-its on the mirror, your planner, all three - whatever works for you).
These become your definition of, “Well done.” JUST THESE THREE. Regardless of what else you aren’t doing well, you get to give yourself a gold star for doing these.
Okay, you subtracted. Now it’s time to add.
1) Add something just for you to your top 3 (or 4 if you can’t drop one of the others) AND DO IT THIS WEEK (No, I'm not kidding. Yes, in the middle of the holiday prep. I suggest that its something that takes at least 15 minutes, but if you can only stomach five, do five).
Up for a challenge? Make “just for you” something that you do daily OR schedule a whole half a day for yourself, so you can start looking forward to it now. Scary I know, but it’s crazy how nourishing your heart it can help you do the other stuff, yell less, and require less alcohol or ice cream to get through the day.
2) Add an action that moves you toward the world you long for. If there is a sorrow in the world, in your family, or in your community that grieves you deeply and you haven’t taken any action related to it, take a few minutes to breathe into the question, “What is mine to do?” See what arises. Then make it smaller, if needed, and add it to your top five.
How can adding an action to your list decrease overwhelm?
Because feeling shame and guilt are often substitutes for taking action and they are HUGE energy drains.
It may be that what is yours to do is simply to sit with the discomfort of not looking away from the suffering. It may be yours to pray. It may be to make a donation, write a note, or prepare a meal for a neighbor.
Your next action may be tiny and unseen or bigger and more visible than you expected it to be.
Let it be what YOUR HEART wants, and what you have the capacity for. Not what anyone else thinks you need to do.
IMPORTANT NOTE OF CAUTION: Some of you don't need this tip because you are already taking all the actions you can manage, and perhaps more than you can manage alongside caring for your own well-being and your family. If that's you - stick with the focus on subtracting, not adding.
As humans in a globally connected world, we cannot carry and act on all the things.
And hang in there. You only need to manage this moment right now.
Nothing more.
See there! You just did it!
Here’s to thriving, and to healing ourselves and healing others in return,
Deb